It’s none of our business if DeGeneres is nice in real life or not. We can and should demand respect from our bosses, but they do not owe us “niceness,” even if “nice” is their brand. The media’s obsessive drive to indict DeGeneres for trying to “dupe” us with niceness is nothing more than sexism.
I disagree with you here. I don't think it is sexism. It would be if we, the audience, assumed that she was nice because she smiled and because she is female. But you can't urge the audience to be kind to one another and then not be kind yourself. That would be hypocritical. And it doesn't matter if it came from Ellen or from Johnny Carson.