The constant obsession over small things and your wife's overall demeanor make it sound like she would benefit from some anti anxiety'anti depressive medication. Please take her to a health care professional as soon as possible. The sooner she gets help the better . And these medications might take a little bit of time to kick in as well so don't give up. She deserves to feel joy and to enjoy parenthood to the fullest. And thank you so much for writing. You care deeply and it shows. That's the most loving Mother's Day gift of all.